I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
