he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He shit in the fireplace
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
