Your tits are I can't wait for
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
