True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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