I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Let's get the cat blown out
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
