She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
