so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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