they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
