While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
