honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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