I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
