a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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