at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
