Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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