I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
