Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
