you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
