I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
