Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
