You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
