thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
