this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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