I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think your dad took our porno
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
