I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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