one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
