hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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