Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
