I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
