so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
