So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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