Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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