I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
