so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize