Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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