I think my fart just growled at me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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