remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
