why didn't you poke me back
He kissed a someone with a penis
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize