i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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