started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
