Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
