No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
