Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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