if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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