No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
