So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
