i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He passed out mid-signature
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Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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