when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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