I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
