the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Acid is not a monday night drug
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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