I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
