My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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