I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
