Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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