Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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