Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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