My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
