only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
