my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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