dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
