That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
