You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
