She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
