HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
