When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
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I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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