i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
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youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
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CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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