there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
