Who wears a wallet chain?!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
