So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
