are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
