Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
