i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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