Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
