just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize