u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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