Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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